I am unwritten,
Can’t read my mind
I’m undefined
I’m just beginning
The pen’s in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, yeah

Oh, oh

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines, oh yeah yeah
We’ve been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can’t live that way oh, oh

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
the rest still unwritten

(Gospel)
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open *****
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open *****
Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten

A shoe.

A lady’s shoe to be more specific. It just lay there on the side-walk, as if it belonged there. It wasn’t old or torn or thrown away. It hadn’t been tossed away. It just lay there neatly, without its other half. And as I passed it my mind began to wonder. How had that shoe come to be there? Was it neatly placed there by some eccentric in order to rouse precisely such speculations? Do we have a Cinderella in our midst? Did the owner just disappear on her way to buy cigarettes on evening? Was there something fishy on my coffee this morning?

Mysterious. Unexplained.

Then, as I continued down the same street, I walked by a small shop, out of which walks an old lady. She has just bought the morning newspaper from the store and brushes past me. But hold on! What is she wearing? A short, pink night-dress with frills at the end. We’re talking grandma, here. Wrinkles and all. And as thought that were not enough, she also wore festive, formal heels. Again the questions came running. Had she misunderstood the latest fashion magazine? Was she sleep-walking?

And as I continued on my journey I began to think about all the other random, unexplained things which I had seen. What was with the telephone hanging from that tree in the park? Did someone receive some bad news?

And why are bus passes carried in IKEA holders? Why is it when you’re late for work you seem to hit every red light on the way? Is there a guy in a booth somewhere with a magic button who’s out to get you?

Why do some men feel the need to wear those pointy shoes to the office that makes them look like witches? Was the Mayor of London hit by lightning and then dunked in peroxide?

Do people who sit upstairs on double-decker buses really have more fun?

Why does that guy always fill the baby carriage with beer bottles. Where does he put the baby? In the fridge?

And why DID the chicken cross the road??

Ok. I’ll stop there. But you get the point. Life is full of the unexplained and the mysterious, loose ends and unanswered questions. Some of them can remain a mystery and we don’t mind too much if the old lady likes pink. Some of them, on the other hand, get to us. Ever had one of those questions on your mind?

We ask “why me?” or “why now?”. “Why did God let me go through it?” “Who am I meant to marry?” “How would that situation have gone differently if…”

Questions, questions and sometimes few answers…

A lot of questions.

And then I sometimes treat God like a Jeopardy game. I look at the answers on the board of “common reasons” and I guess the question.

.

God: It wasn’t meant to be.

Me: Erm… why did we break up?

.

God: Pray more

Me: Why I didn’t get that job?

.

God: Devil’s work

Me: Why is there so much pain in the world?

It’s a ridiculous game, really. Because what usually happens is that He will leave questions unanswered, which I then will try and cram into a box of reasons and systematic theology. Its like the unexplained in my life goes into some miscellaneous shelf in my mind and I just throw cliche comments at it:

“That’s life”

“Wasn’t meant to be.”

“Something better will come along.”

“Chin up- tomorrow’s another day”

“The Devil got in the way.”

OH PLEASE! That’s like saying that there is no good or intelligent reason for my answers just because I cannot think of them!

Point is? I believe in a God with a plan and a purpose. It doesn’t mean that everything that happens in my life was his PURPOSE. But it also doesn’t give me any right to make him out to be a God who uses cliches to answer my pains or catch-phrases to explain my doubts away. He is able to stand up for himself a LOT better than that.

But I also realize that there are questions I will not have an answer to anywhere in the near future. And you know what? The battle, in this case, is to try and fight towards acceptance; not that life is unfair sometimes, but that we don’t always get the answers the way we want them. (Although, I must admit, I fail miserably at this a lot of the time.)

Whether its why the chicken crossed the road or why, after staring after the lady in the pink dress, I walked into a lamp-post, or why certain things happen in life, I am comforted. I am comforted by the fact that he lets me ASK questions, he doesn’t try to hide behind excuses. And at the same time He really is in control. He doesn’t ask us to be emotionless monks who passively watch the world pass by without a reaction or a questioning thought. But I really do think He really will have answers one day.

And in the meanwhile He is my answer. I may not know the answers, but I know Him. He will love us through and past everything else.

and hollow logic

Beyond our foolish wisdom

that we take such pride in

Beyond our shallow prejudices and philosophies,

narrow-mindedness, blindness and lostness

There you stand.

The eyes in the Universe that hold most kindness and heartbreaking warmth, belong to you, O Lord.

Soft, clear, loving eyes that speak only truth and see us as children, not more, nothing less. You love us with your pain, you love us in your pain, despite our pain, through our pain, you love us out of our pain. And you love us despite the pain we cause you.

You see us as your children; Royalty, king and queens, beautiful masterpieces. Not like the beasts the enemy seeks to spin us into. What honour to be created in your image!

And this is and dance we dance. Between our mistakes and your open arms, those arms that long to embrace us, those nail-scarred hands that ache to hold us again. Oh Lord, I love those hands of your that work to mend and serve and carry. Your tear down walls and rock to sleep with those hands.

And a King who rose from the deep chasms of Hell, labors to lead us up out of this darkness. He stooped to the depths of the hell in my heart

into the blackness of my nature

to open a door in the roof for me

so i could see the stars above

and consider the chance of heaven

and dream of new heights

There you stand, Lord.

Like a Warrior, like a Doctor, like a Mother. You who fight for me, heal and hold tight every inch of me.

Who can face such love and be unmoved? Such love can break iron fists and melt this immunised heart.

Such love has the power to change what we have deemed “nature”; what we have condemned as “set in stone”

Such love turn the tide and opens the sea and floods my eyes

There you stand because God loved the world so

As a rock to cling to when everything else seems to be crashing down

As a statue of Liberty, reminded us that we are freed slaves

As a Beacon of light, bringing the ships home

As a strong tower for all who are running

And so I love you. If I am made in your image, Saviour, your love reaches out and meets a response in me. It’s like when you meet yourself in the mirror. It is familiar, it is safe, it tells you who you are.  Jesus, your love towards me is mirrored back to you.

What am I but dust?

I am ashes.

So often I am a broken jar before you, the treasure within has leaked out and I am empty and useless

What can you fill me with when I am in pieces, Oh Lord?

Oh Lord, restore me, for I dare not call myself your servant

But in my life you pronounce hope by sustaining my heartbeat

You are not done

and there you stand.

Could it be you still have a purpose for this broken vessel?

I ask only this of you, Lord.

If you let my breath remain

if you allow me to press on

let me live bathed, drowned, soaked, burning, overwhelmed in your Presence

and not for a second of my given time

long for anything as much as I do for you

that one day I may kneel before you

where you stand.

The forest floor cracks and crumbles under your boots, and centipedes and giant spiders scatter around them. All in all, your arachnophobia would be kicking in big-time by now if it wasn’t for another fear that hogged your attention. Yes, because out here, among hanging vines and thick-stemmed trees, something far larger is lurking. Something you thought couldn’t possibly be alive, but which is. Something with teeth that would shame crocodiles and an appetite that not even Mac Donald’s wants to compete with.

Just as you brush a large leaf of an exotic plant to the side, you catch a movement out of the corner of your eye. Your spine tingles and the hair on the back of your head begins to rise. Tension ceases your every nerve. Is your mind playing tricks on you? Is there really something there? Your head begins inching its way to the right from which you saw something. And there it is. A Tyrannosaurus. The large beast towers over you, watching your closely with brutish eyes. Saliva drips from its half-open jaw.

You stand dead-still or you’ll be dead-meat.

You don’t know whether to run. You don’t know where you’d hide. You even forget to breathe. So this is it. You’re done for. Dead. Finito. Sheesh Kebab. You’re going to be the feast of the Beast. You’re going to die at the jaws of a monster from the past.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

I believe that we all, at some point in our lives, have had a Jurassic Park experience. The Jurassic Park experience consists of you finding yourself surrounded by monsters that you thought were long dead and gone. History gets nasty.

Anyone who tries to change, tries to move on, tries to live and new and bettered life will encounter their blast from the past. And guess what? It’s hungry.  As Christians this phenomenon is one of the many battles we face. We think we outran that memory, we think we conquered that enemy, we think we shook that habit and are on to a brand new start. But there it is; the past rears its ugly head. We are so brutally reminded of that person we used to be, that life we used to lead, that reality we used to call home.

I have had many a good Christian soul tell me, with stars in their eyes, “Don’t you worry! Jesus gave you a new life! The past is gone, your sins are washed clean, the battle is over. You are a Victor! Your are a Conqueror!”

I nod and admit that it sounds great. A new beginning and a chance to leave the filth behind sounds like just the thing I want. But I know deep down that my experience has often been less than as A-4 as all that. I have often seen my nightmares washed down the sink, only to see the sink back up and the filth return. I have seen bad habits running back to their owners with open arms and past patterns repainting their way back into sincere Christian’s lives. Addictions, fears, depressions, weaknesses, doubts… oh yes. The Tyrannosaurus is back in town and he wants to know what’s on the menu.

You should know right now that if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, you will slay many dragons.  And there’s another thing you should know too. Many of these dragons will rise again to block your path once more.

“What??” you say. “Rise again? How could they? I don’t believe it! They only rise when we lack faith! No way!”

Yes, we all lack faith, but that is not always the cause of slain dragons returning to us. Not at all. They return because they received our invitation. You don’t remember sending it out? Oh you don’t have to worry about writing one. Your sinful nature did that all for you. And guess what? It’s throwing you a great reunion party. All your past sins and defeated enemies. They will all try their luck and knock at your door, and they’ll even bring presents. Why? Because you asked them back. Why? Because your heart used to be their home.

So what then? Will we fall into the same traps? Are there no real new beginnings?

Ok, let’s side-step for a moment…

Do you think you’re special? It’s an honest question. Do you think you’re special? Is there anything that makes you different from everyone else – something that defines YOU?

In our society you may believe that you are encouraged to be as special and unique as snowflake. And indeed a lot of us sometimes act like we truly are the center of the universe; the hub of the happening. But guess what? In reality, among the masses, your identity is too often narrowed down to numbers.

2 Kids, 1 mortage, 2 cars, 6 hundred in debt, 5 pounds to heavy, 7 cigarettes a day.

“Could prisoner 212657 please step forward!”

Your value boils down to things defined by value systems such as money, workdays, taxes, bank account number, age, earnings, products, divorces, hours and minutes. When disasters across the world happen, we define our loss by the number of deaths, as if one wasn’t enough.

But I believe in a God who treats us quite differently. He doesn’t find it necessary to march in crowd demonstrations, wearing all the rainbow’s colors, and demand freedom of expression and individualism and wave strange art in the air. He knows how important identity is to us. Individualism, in its truest form, was his idea. He made us that way. Special, unique, irreplacable.

And so when he gives an individual person the chance to start again, to get a clean slate, he begins by changing the most basic thing about our identity. It is the first thing we use in order to present ourselves to others. Our Name.

Flip through the Bible, old testament and new, and you fill find it peppered with stories of people meeting God, and in the same process, getting their name changed. It may seem a little strange to us, but then again it kind of makes sense. If I wanted to move away, disappear, alter my identity, I would have to change my name.

Well, God changed people’s names as a sign of a new beginning, a new identity.

Abram to Abraham

Sarai to Sarah

Jacob to Israel

Simon to Peter

Saul to Paul

Graceless to Christian

Sinner to Saved

Thief to Valuable

Drunkard to Warrior

Depressed to Beautiful

He’s played the Name Game with a lot of people. He starts at the beginning (a very good place to start). He says; here’s a new name, let’s start a new life together. And so it begins.

But if I was to change my name to ‘Angelina’ over-night, not everyone would have heard about the change. And even if they heard about it, they wouldn’t easily be able to remember my old name. My friends would keep slipping up, calling me ‘Natalie’ in an absent-minded moment, or downright refusing to use my new name. Seems natural. To them I am Natalie. To them, that is my ID.

The same things happen when we try and change our life. We try and adopt new habits, new patterns, new lifestyles, new thinking, new worldviews, and some familiar chum steps up to, with all the care in the world, and calls you by your old name. Hate, Despair, Anger, Lazy. Yep, there are a whole bunch of worse names out there than Olga. (I’m sorry to anyone named that. You may sue me later.) You will meet people in your life who call you by your old self. We will be reminded, even at times by dear and close friends, of what we were. For a second it can seem as if nothing has changed. We begin to doubt the work of grace in lives. We begin thinking that perhaps we were just imagining freedom and we never really had it at all.

Wrong again.

People in this world will continue to call you by your old name, and so will your Enemy. Beasts of the past will seem to rise from their ashes to tempt you anew, attack you anew, knock on your door anew, as if nothing has changed, as if nothing has been replaced.

You hearing the knock? Don’t know what to do?

Let Jesus answer the door.

Fact is, as long as we are one this Earth things we thought we had defeated once and for all may come back to haunt us. But just because they come crawling back, doesn’t mean you have lost anything. The fact that you believe that Jesus is making you a new creation, means that he’s in the house, and He doesn’t like to share the remote. Temptation is not sin. And failure is not permanent. Even when we do fall or give in to dragons of the past, the Grace if God is renewed every morning. It isn’t a one-time opportunity.

Jesus is in it for the long-haul. That’s why he wants to move in; so you can move on. Don’t be discouraged when you see an old enemy returning like last night’s bad curry. When we say that “the Lord will give you victory” we are mistaken if we think this is limited to “keeping the Devil away”. Jesus is powerful enough to keep defeating sin and our dark past every time is returns.

Stuck in a jungle, facing your Dino? Or bothered by an identity you can’t seem to shake?

Don’t worry. Jesus has the power to take down your past not only once but thousands of time. And he knows WAY better moves than Jackie Chan.

And you will meet good people out there who look at you and call you by your new name. Make these people your closest friends because they don’t only see you, but they see who Jesus is making you. These people know Jesus and therefore know the way it works.  He won’t let you go back there unless you want to…

The Tyrannosaurus will have to survive on veggies for now. Too bad, Barney.

The Carpenter's hands.wma